Becoming a teacher of dogs

Whereas most of my previous jobs have been working as an educator for humans, my latest job has me working towards the education and training of dogs. All of a sudden I find myself thrust into the task of tending and training a pack of 41 Alaskan Husky sled dogs as a musher and a kennel hand. Walking into a kennel is much akin to being a substitute teacher and walking into a classroom and trying to figure out the social dynamics that are in place. Much like humans, all the dogs have their own distinct temperaments and personalities. A dog-kennel, in a sense, represents a microcosm of humanity—one that is just less inhibited in their behavior such that no one feels shame at eating their own poop or dry humping in public.

Meet my canine classroom:

Pearl: a member of the Mean Girl Clique

The Mean Girls: Frenchie, the leader of the Mean Girls, is outwardly vocal and confident but inwardly insecure and in constant need of approval by others; Elsa is cool and stand-offish; Rizzo is the attractive girl who teases all the boys with her flirting; Pearl is the preppy girl; Zee hangs out with the mean girls not because she’s a mean girl at heart, but because she thinks it’s better to be in the in-group than to be an outsider;

Flight is the small, introverted, artsy girl who is a dreamy soul and is the recurring target of the mean girls’ jeers;

The Jocks: Danny is the football stud who always wears his varsity jacket and pushes smaller kids into the lockers in the hallway; Tuff is the very popular meathead tight end on the football team who is a total bro; Peddler is the boy who excels at sports on the virtue of being precociously large;

Lindy is the exemplar scholar-athlete who excels in track and field;

Daisy and Skyee are the tomboys;

Duchess is the girl who could beat up any boy she wants to;

Tude is the punk girl sitting in the back of the classroom purposely making you aware that she is ignoring you;

Affirmed is the boy who acts really nice to the teacher, then slaps the other boys when the teacher’s back is turned;

Affirmed acting nice to the teacher

Toby is the mischievous boy who always gives the teacher that gleam in his eye that he just did something naughty and got away with it;

Bo is the skinny nerdy boy who doesn’t realize that people are sarcastically making fun of him;

Hula and Jazz are the set of fraternal twins who most people will think of as identical and similar until they actually get to know them;

Forrest is the kid who is incredibly nice and all his teachers think of him as a ‘sweetheart’;

Joe is a kind-hearted soul who is incredibly reliable and hard-working, but has a life plagued by sheer bad luck and he ends up taking crap from everyone without ever dishing any himself;

Poor ol’ Joe

Rascal is the kid who knows how to get an easy A without much effort, but still willingly obliges when the teacher asks more work of her;

Rani is the teacher’s pet who always serves as an example;

Titan is the dull boy sitting in the back of the classroom who is mindlessly drawing circles on his math worksheet for reasons even he doesn’t know why;

Aileron is the painfully shy boy who will never come out of his shell;

Smokie is the bookworm;

Roscoe is the extremely extroverted boy who greets everyone with a hug whether they want one or not;

He’s a Hugger: Extroverted Roscoe

Mambo is the boy with raging ADHD who gets easily amped up on sugar or by games;

Ozark is the boy who wants every classroom topic to be taught using a kinesthetic exercise, regardless of what subject;

Clark is old beyond his years and is the class’s grouchy curmudgeon;

Brownie is the girl who has overcome her physical disability to live fully and capably in a way where it’s no hindrance to her bubbly outgoingness;

Ike is the boy who really wants to join in with what the others are doing, but who has to wait nervously on the side watching what the others do first before joining along;

Wonka is the boy who transferred to this school from an elite private school on the East Coast, and who wants to flaunt his family’s wealth and status to all the ladies, but who just comes across as self-absorbed and aloof;

Elwood the Loner (left) and out-of-touch Wonka (right)

Bea is the good girl who doesn’t make any waves;

Duke is the kid who will spend his entire school career trying to match up with his older sibling’s accomplishments;

Brule is the skater girl;

Rockstar is the kid who really digs into her work without making a fuss;

Sandy is the girl who is just a little odd and will most likely grow up to be a crazy cat lady;

Reece is the girl who asks to use the restroom at the start of class, then spends the entire period wandering the halls only to show back up a few minutes before class is dismissed;

Luke is the boy in the classroom who the teacher will forget is even in the class from time to time;

and Elwood would rather everyone just left him alone.

Gym Class. All Day. Every Day.